Alternate Universe

I live between two places. The lands of Perfect and Good Enough. In Perfect I am sure to dot all my t's and cross all my i's. Most of my waking moments are spent clearing the crumbs of life and smoothing the rough edges of our world. In Perfect all my striving, all my lifting and heaving and straightening and fixing doesn't cut it. Doesn't measure up. I am tense and uneasy, trying to showcase something, someone that doesn't exist. Working towards an impossible goal. For a far off someday.

As the years have gone on I have been spending less and less time in Perfect. Good Enough just seems more friendly, more down home, more kick off your shoes and stay awhile. In Good Enough what you see is what you get. I can scootch down with a cup of coffee and get comfy. I am welcome there with a freshly scrubbed no makeup face, in leggings and flip flops and a ponytail. With my mess and dirt and unanswered questions. There's lots of room in Good Enough, space for my little ones to scramble in around me and just be. Be little and loud and messy, make mudpies and throw water balloons and have big dreams and even bigger what ifs. and that's ok, the what ifs are what add the color, the rosy rainbow bursts of sweetness and the sad purply grey twilights to this life.

I don't have it all figured out yet. Not sure exactly what lies ahead. The years have brought a distance from the places and people I grew up with. I used to think family was a right. That no matter what was said or done or not said or not done that you held that door to yourself open. That my job was to make myself smaller, not take up too much space. Agree. But I came to realize the death inside of me. That the life my God had created me to live was first to Him and then to those He entrusted me with. I have left those halls, those spaces. I have grown up and out. I need more. Family is a privilege. There won't always be peace on earth and goodwill isn't always what we're called to bring. Sometimes life just hurts. Sometimes people you care about refuse to change or to let you change. all I know is the bottle of questions could not be corked any longer.

In this place of Good Enough I have found rest and strong shoulders and a laugh that carries miles. My great big God can answer all my queries. Maybe the answer is not just yet...