Not Just Groceries

Each weekend I gear up for an early grocery shopping trip on Monday morning. The easiest part is preparing the list of meals and items and attempting to stay on budget. The hard part has proven to be corralling two rambunctious little ones for the 45 minutes it takes me to navigate the aisles. Always they beg to ride in the big racecar cart which is a mammoth to maneuver and which always brings them to a point of twisting and writhing and wrestling with one another before the trip is over.

Each aisle something different is happening in the car I am laboring to push. After almost knocking over a whole shelf of glass bottled jellies and jams and almost taking out a poor man innocently buying rolls, we make it to the cereal aisle. Here it gets a little hairy. What started out as role playing a kitten (Adam) and his caretaker (Natalie) quickly changed into professions of love for one another and hugs and kisses till one pulls away from the python embrace. And now in this aisle it is Beauty and the Beast. Not a sweet, peaceful portrayal of the love story at all. Natalie almost yelling at Adam that he has to be the Beast because she is Belle and after refusing for the next aisle or so he gives in and begins growling as the Beast at the top of his lungs, causing her to shrink back and whimper.

That subsides and we are almost to checkout but it is not quite over yet. When heading for milk Adam loudly exclaims, "I smell something, what's that smell?" I murmur, "It's probably just the shampoos." "Nope, it's a lady, I smell that lady!" The lady turns to us with a dour expression. I hurry to grab the gallons and speed through checkout. Only it's not speedy. For some reason it takes a lifetime to ring up the items and put them in the cart, I am grateful the checker is so interested in talking to my children but I am starving, starting to shake, having a hard time holding Adam on what little bit of hip I have left now that this belly has appeared and trying to calm Natalie down who is wearily banging her head against my hip, "Please can we go? Please can we go?" It gets hotter. It gets longer. I feel as though I am about to faint. Seriously.

Natalie asks what's wrong with the checker's lips. "Why do they look that way?" Exhausted and near collapse as I am at that point I don't shush her or tell her it's rude to ask, I just say wearily, "Because that's how they look." Thankfully the woman is too preoccupied to notice.

Finally, finally we are leaving. I explain to Natalie my strange behavior those last few moments. The swaying, the dizziness, the apparent fatigue. No sympathy there. "You have to be brave Mom, when you feel like that just be brave." Okay, I'll try to remember that next time we head out for groceries.....

Blissful

What a nice break we had in Wisconsin, Natalie played with frogs and bugs and fish to her heart's content and Adam's days were filled with trains, trains and more trains. And how grateful I am for the chance to get a breather and some help with the little ones and not have to be ordering the days as much as I do here. It was hard for them to leave Grandma and Grandpa's house, I think 3 weeks pretty much made them think we were permanent residents there...

Lately everything and everyone reminds me of Tim. A song, a breeze, the sounds of my babies giggling down the hallway. But strangely enough it is not an empty ache, a lonely longing for him. What an amazing gift to be able to Skype with him everyday. We are building memories even through the computer screen. He talks with us during dinner, helps with prayers, sings songs and entertains Natalie and Adam, hears their stories, watches their dances... He and I often have extended chats about everything, the serious and the mundane.. And while I miss the feel of his arms around me and I know the little ones would love the chance to wrestle with him again or ride on his shoulders, we are blessed to be able to talk and share with him each and everyday.

We have plenty to occupy our time here. Storytimes and Natalie's art classes, get togethers at the children's museum, plenty of playgrounds to explore, several hours of school each day, raising tadpoles and playing in the sandbox. Yes, I have taken the major step to build a sandbox. I didn't find the wooden, canopied version that I pictured so I decided to build it myself. Not such an easy undertaking. Enter Skype. Tim has already spent several hours with me examining bolts, giving advice on drill use, laughing with me at my "drill fears', encouraging me to keep trying. So we're halfway there. The base is built, the babes and I already spent an exhausting, hot, 2 hours at Home Depot trying to locate play sand and lugging it around on a cart. Very close to finishing if more clear weather were on the horizon.

We are at 7 months now, hooray! I know I need to get in gear and buy a carseat and onesies and stock up on some diapers but honestly I think I feel so busy with our little life right now, with two that I don't quite feel like I need to rush into "Mommy of 3" just yet. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to welcome that soft fuzzy headed, wobbly kneed, blurry eyed little bundle into our home. I am just enjoying where we're at now. We will definitely have a full, bustling house before we know it. I think it gets a little crazy monkey now, I cannot imagine adding more. But how much fun it is to pile everyone together on the bed or to share Saturday morning cartoon time or walks in the park. I'm confident our new little man will fit perfectly into our lives...

We love you and miss you Tim! Cannot wait to see you soon! Less than 100 days to go!