Everything

Everything feels so close right now.
The past. The future. Here and now.
Creeping in and over me.
Cloaking me with questions and excitement
Joy and worry.
It all feels so real
And yet that I can't quite grasp it all
Hold it still. Make it wait.

Changes everyday.
Stillness and moments that seem the same.
Life upon life
Dreams upon tears
Waiting for something
Learning I can't keep it from breaking.
Giving up what once was.
Opening my eyes to what will be.

Hooray for 2012!

Babies...are angels of God in disguise. His sunlight still gleams in their tresses. His glory still gleams in their eyes. Charles M. Dickinson


As we welcome in a fresh New Year we anticipate the coming of a new little Behnke baby!

A Moment

A precious milestone has been passed. A once even row of baby teeth now proudly gapes an opening for a new addition. Our little girl, our firstborn, the baby we jostled on our laps while typing term papers and carried in a Baby Bjorn along with knapsacks of books and binders to the university library, the little girl who played football in the backyard with us on lazy Sunday afternoons, pigtails flying, face scrunched in determination, quick to laugh, reach for Daddy's hand, give me a great big sloppy kiss...

Natalie has lost her first tooth. Calmly she came to me between loads of laundry. "Guess what Mom, my tooth just fell right out!" She spent her evening making a card for the tooth fairy, promising to stay up quietly to watch for her coming...Nothing could match her excitement this morning when the tiny white tooth was replaced by two shiny quarters. "She even took the card! I saw her Mom, I saw her flying in and she gave me a kiss
and I asked her to go kiss Adam while he was sleeping!"

Another magic moment. Another priceless memory.

Just a Question

Why is it that when relatives/friends come to visit your normal children seem to vanish into thin air replaced by droids or some sort of strange alien beings that are vaguely familiar but no less disturbing...?

Mine were just that over this Thanksgiving holiday. Squabbling and bickering over the smallest thing, crying literally over spilt milk or being refused a second dessert or having to share a turn or a seat at the table or a chance to speak.

Why? Why did my once beaming, sunny 2 year old morph into a writhing,wailing mess? Just when it's time to show off all the progress they've made in learning to read and write their names and ride a bike...we fall off the edge of sanity and it's a total game change.

It has been enough to make my head swim and fogginess to descend. Are we doing something wrong? Have we missed the boat somewhere? Maybe it's simple. Maybe our kids are as human as we are. Maybe they have bad days too where the lack of sleep, too many rich foods, overexcitement from new visitors takes its toll. Maybe 3 and a half days isn't enough to get an accurate snapshot of what a family is really made of.

Maybe I should give myself a break too. Between money stresses and never enough time to complete anything (I have been reading the same book for the past month and a half), not even finishing my morning tea yet. The unfinished career plans looming in the distance. The whatifs about schooling and sports and lessons and moving AGAIN. It's all getting a little too overwhelming again I get mired in all the details and forget to gaze at the sky. We're bigger than this. Our love, our dreams for our family..we are bigger than money stresses and tantrums and exhaustion and fears. And we have a big God who can hold it all in the palm of His hand. I don't have to be so big and so strong and so perfect...He is.

And it's on

The Thanksgiving preparations have begun in our house. Some are more excited than others at the prospect of nonstop baking and prepping. We have the added benefit of an extra day... with out of town family coming in we have moved the actual big meal to Friday. But we have spared no effort in our planned meal list. Let us plan well and hope for success. Better to set the bar a little high I think. And it won't hurt that I'm a bit of a food network junkie.

An herb butter slathered turkey (fresh this year) and spatchcocked with a roasting pan full of root vegetables (caramelized and delicious)

Homemade cornbread, bacon and apple stuffing. (a first!)

Roasted garlic broccoli (a meal in itself)

Overnight creamy mashed potatoes (with a masher/no mixer here!)

Cloverleaf rolls (someone keep me away)

Homemade whole berry cranberry sauce (beats the can everytime)

And so much more once Tim's mom gets here and adds her expertise to the table.

Might I take a moment to gush about the highlight of our experience this Thanksgiving- the desserts!

A chocolate bourbon pecan pie.

Maple pumpkin pie with cinnamon crumble and maple infuse whipped cream (homemade)

Emeril's carrot cake with vanilla cream cheese frosting and almond crunch garnish

Cherry cobbler

Black and white cupcakes

Dipped pretzels...and it goes on. I hope you've enjoyed my oversharing about our holiday feast.. we will keep our fingers crossed on my first foray into hosting this grand occasion....

A Trip

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The traveling Behnkes are back in action. After a bit of a hiatus we headed out on the road again. Tim had a conference he was conducting in the Appalachian Mtns. at a beautiful resort/spa. The nights were a tad long and lacking quality rest despite the adjoining rooms. Mealtimes were kind of beyond crazy at certain moments. Picture a huge beautiful room with beamed ceilings and crackling fireplace and smooth oak tables with quiet couples eating and laughing or calm families passing plates. Enter me, several bags slung over my shoulders, juggling sippy cups and a 2 year old with two exhausted but hopeful little folks trudging behind me. Buffet lacked yogurt, any type of familiar cereal, eggs were bland and watery. So after scrounging what we could (No bananas?) we headed to our table laden with goblets and silverware neatly arranged in cloth napkins and several china plates. (Yes, we do not often go out to dinner with our little people). Did I mention our table was in the center of the room? All eyes on us.

Breakfast lasted all of 17 minutes from the minute I stumbled through the doors to the minute herded out. Most of the silverware ended up on the floor. Milk was spilled, there was a minor slapfight, heads were bumped on the table..Needless to say we weren't quiet. I could almost hear the staff's smiles spreading across their faces as we finally left. And we did it again for lunch and dinner. Brave new world. Eating out. Don't think we'll be doing that too often for the next couple years.

Our trip was so much more than meals. But it's hard not to mention something so significant I broke out in a cold sweat before crossing the dining room threshold.

We went to "Goats on the Roof" an amazing down home country store with goats actually living in elaborate obstacle courses on the rooftops. They had a bicycle device which powered a cup of goat feed which was sent up to them as you pedaled.

We went for long hikes on the golf cart only road and were soon forced off. We played Star Wars tag on the back lawn, a pillow fight got out of hand and Adam ended up with a bloody nose and a split lip. We tasted life on this weekend. Let me tell you. And now as proof of my exhaustion I have published this post with duplicate photos..Zzzz

A Camping Trip

For a day and half we decided to throw our schedule: bedtime/bath routine, methodical dinnertimes, chores and must do's out the window and head out a on a brief but event filled campout.

Found a beautiful spot by the river. Collected pinecones and acorns and firewood and marched around like Indians, roast toasted gooey marshmallows and made the newly invented Double Chocolate S'more (we Behnkes just skip the graham cracker and sandwich the mallow between two slabs of chocolate) yum!

The night was nothing less than freezing cold (bone chillingly so; our mattress deflated midway through, somehow we had brought a lightweight tent so the not so summer wind was blowing through the entire night. Needless to say with Will and I in one tent and Tim and Nat and Adam in the other, someone was always awake.

But then came that morning stillness with it's calm and smoky campfire smell and crackling and crisp coldness that makes you feel alive. And then it was time for a kayak ride or two before heading back home.

Definitely cold. Definitely exhausting. Completely worth it. Completely worth doing again.