Sometimes..

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed..plunged into a deep swirling pool of decisions and dilemmas and responsibilities. Weighted down with visions of future, sadness from the past..dreams for the present. Buried in cerebral pursuits I am suddenly, comically brought back down to earth..to homey, humble sod by sticky jelly covered fingers clutching at my pantleg..a little monkey like boy wrapped tightly around my waist whispering silly jokes in my ear..a vision of bright curls and merry eyes begging me to come see her back porch chalk drawing...

Often I am not as involved..connected...excited about their world as I would like to be. Sometimes I get too old, set in my ways..trying so hard to be an adult...fix my problems..accomplish my list of tasks. Brows furrowed and hands grabbing at this and that..trying for the 4th time that morning to pick up the crayons from the floor...gather up the pillows tossed around the living room..chiding myself for not dusting behind the television/cleaning behind the refrigerator/repainting the ceiling/ scrubbing each and every floor tile with a toothbrush and a fingernail to get it spotless. And still it comes...never enough time and never enough done...And when I live in this space..above that shining realm of imagination and wonder that seems to reside below hip level..right at the eye level of little munchkins I am just that..old.

Old is not an age they say, it's a state of mind. Never is it truer than on the days I forget to laugh..get too busy for a fairy tea party or a game of hopfrog or sitting cross legged on the floor..available for them...around to listen. Strangely and wondrously enough I find the days that I have marked out time to just be there..around to hear the latest adventures of Johnny Spaceman..hunt for a perfect spot to catch mayflies or mix up a perfectly gooey batch of mudpies..are the days I can truly speak into their little hearts...Never before are there so many eager questions..about God..about life...about whys and whats and everything in between...And never do I feel such a connection to what truly matters...May I never get too rigid to roll around on the floor for awhile..too busy to give full attention to a spooky story special made by a 4 year old with deep chocolate brown eyes...too stressed to set down my broom to feel the weight of chubby arms around my neck and sweet slobbery kisses on my ear...

Thanks alot for the cookie mom, my little guy said while heading out of the kitchen...No...thank you.. for more than you'll ever know...