Settling

Parenting is a series of experiments. If you combine A and B then you will most often not get the C you planned for. But sometimes you will and those moments are priceless. When you finally see that little image of you catching onto something you have been working with them at for what seems like eons you feel like you've got the world on a string....

Early on I felt that erring on the side of the law would get me further...make life simpler...help them to learn more quickly. But rarely when you use force whether with child or adult do you get positive results...why do we choose to follow the same route everyone else always has just because? I feel that struggle sometimes...the longing for everything to fit into a neat little space..for the small people to just listen, follow directions...stop questioning.

A small question keeps rearing its head within me..are they learning anything from this? Obeying without question at times is necessary. But is it wrong to ask why, to need to understand why you're being asked to do something and then follow through because you understand and agree rather than you're afraid of a consequence? Seems to me we need more people who make decisions because they understand the whys rather than just blindly following the crowd...

Tim and I have been laughing lately at the absolute mayhem that is our life. As Lincoln said, "I laugh because I must not weep, that is all, that is all." The latest news here is that deployment looms in the very near future unless we move which would then be in about a month and a half.. Absolute madness.. Not sure quite where we fit sometimes...wishing for a place with roots.. Many around here have front porch plaques that read; "Home is where the Army sends us." I must confess I have had moments of eye narrowing and silent cursing that sometimes frustrating reality. By the same token there is something noble and worthwhile and essential about this sort of life. Keeps us working and appreciating life and each other and freedom.

Bob Dylan put it quite well, "You gotta serve Somebody" and at the end of the day continually putting a life of service and a patience to wait for what really matters can bring something invaluable to our family table...Because of the uncertainty we have wrestled over and made the decision to homeschool at the least for the first few years. The possibility of moving some place for one year and then onto the next place does not bode well for their early education. But homeschooling (God bless those of you who make it work) was not something I desired for us. I do worry about the social integration and the lack of peer contacts, so we have dance class and swim lessons and playground activities and AWANA and all of those in place to make up for that...

So we are at an even greater place of uncertainty. We could receive word next week..we could be waiting several more months..Tim could head out for another year away or we could move in a matter of weeks...Who knows? I am finally coming to a place of settling down to the idea of never settling down....