Scraps of Sunshine

There was a time when I thought my mind was replete with original knowledge, sparkling with my own personal bits of wit and wisdom. Now that may be so in small amounts but as time goes on I am coming to know how very little I do know and how very much I need to learn....

I spied a few scattered gray hairs on my dark head and I realized how very little that really means. If I say I am old that is laughable, merely a testimony to how very young I am. Those who are old do not profess their agedness, they simply are. It is the young who so desire the wisdom and experience that comes with age.

I have long struggled with being genuinely honest. Fearing that I would step on toes or hurt someone's feelings I have lied or balked or worse yet, retreated from any sort of response. As though a new window is being opened and fresh air flooding a once dank space I am coming to see that I need no longer fear another's bruised emotions. What a new energy this has given to forming friendships here. If I truly care about someone I will tell them the truth, not what they want to hear or what makes them feel good. And I must in turn allow them to do the same for me... That is a mark of an authentic relationship.

I used to be deeply concerned with making sure my children did everything I said immediately without any question. If they hesitated to ask why or to try to explain then I was quick to mete out consequences. And somehow that translated into how I related with God. I didn't feel safe asking Him why or taking a moment to try to share my heart with Him. I was anxious, full of angst and tossed to and fro, unsure of who I was or where I was going. All I knew was obey without question. But as my heart opened wider to my children I came to see the truth of the verse that "we are but sheep"... Just as my God has compassion on my weaknesses, my failings, has time for my questions, I can give that same regard to my little ones. In the end what is important is that they understand fully what choice they are making, the choice to follow and obey. Blind obedience will not teach them how to choose the right road in life. Anyone can demand respect but only love will retain that respect. I would much rather my children have faith in me than fear me...

As the time draws closer for the celebration of celebrations, to honor the gift of the Holy, I bend to ask that He draw me closer to His heart, teach me more of His ways. And I can only pray that as I simply seek to learn from Him I will be able to falteringly at times, faithfully at others, lead my own little ones to Him...