Gazing

A new year is coming. Bright, fresh, holding limitless possibilities and potential for new growth.
It doesn't quite feel like Christmas here yet. Maybe it's because the weather has been 60-70 degrees the past two weeks.

Natalie and Adam have thrown themselves joyously into celebrating this most wondrous of holidays. Every night when Tim pulls into the driveway from work they rush him to plug in the outside lights and stand gazing in wonder at the brightly lit icicles and glowing snowman and rainbow clusters on eaves and corners.

They love the advent wreath and the songs and verses and lighting the candles each evening after dinner. Tim cleverly constructed a wreath out of almost nothing and I'm sure it will be cherished for every advent hereafter. I get choked up hearing their little warbling voices singing "O Come Let us Adore Him" or as Natalie believes it to be, O Come Let Us Side Door Him.

Every morning they clamber up on the couch to touch each and every ornament on the tree and attempt to wrangle off some M&M character lights to play with.

Natalie is becoming more and more of a little mother everyday. She follows Adam everywhere, picks up after him, grabs his hand if she thinks he is straying too far in the wrong direction. "Now you listen to me Moe (she'll say), you need to obey." Large portions of my day are spent telling Natalie to stop ordering him around. But the next moment she will be tenderly wiping his face or asking him curiously, "Do you like cars Adam?" "Uh Huh", he'll answer. "Mom, Adam says he does like cars!", she'll yell to me and they will both laugh and she will put her arm around him as they munch their crackers.

She is so full of compassion. She apologizes to Buster for hurting his feelings. She asks me if I've had enough kisses to fill up my heart and tells me when she hasn't had enough to fill up her heart yet. Her favorite part of bedtime is singing "You Are My Sunshine."


Adam explores his world through smell and taste. He sniffs new foods and people and books alike. And there is still a part of him that finds it exciting to scoop up some particularly gooey black mud from the back yard and cram it in his mouth. I know, it's utterly disgusting. I spend another large part of my day scooping dirt out of his mouth or chasing him around the yard to keep him from putting it in his mouth. He is still figuring out who he is. He is not yet ready to accept himself as baby or boy or even as a person it appears.The past couple days he has called himself a train and today when I asked him who he is he said, "Snowman". I try not to laugh, he says it so seriously.

Like the other night I was feeding and cuddling him before bed and he started singing, "Jesuh lub lil chi wen", (Jesus Loves the Little Children) and he kept singing that line over and over looking sweetly and intently into my face. I couldn't help it, it was so adorable I broke into a smile and a little giggle and he stopped for a moment and got kind of a hurt look on his face. So I straightened up and thankfully he continued. Before laying him down we sing "You Are My Sunshine" together. He so enjoys joining in on the chorus. The other day in church I heard a loud echo after a praise song had ended and looked down to see Adam singing along with all his heart.


My newest grand idea for our holiday tradition is to build a gingerbread house each year. As usual the ever patient, hard working Tim ended up putting together all the final touches, with the help of our meticulous Natalie and now we have a beautiful house waiting till Christmas arrives. Adam and I helped with candy eating and application and then off we went to the kitchen to make biscuits..his newest obsession being to mix and stir whatever I am baking.

Buster has found his place in our family. Not quite a third child, but certainly a beloved playmate. I have moments of craziness managing the three of them but it all melts away when I see Adam leaning against him whispering, "Doggie Doggie" or Natalie carefully draping plastic bead necklaces around him and squeezing his neck, "I love you" she'll say into his ear.

So as Christmas approaches we are happy, healthy and learning each day how much we need each other and God's hand for each new step.

Cannot wait for Christmas morning. The wide eyed wonder. The piles of wrapping paper all over the floor. The excited giggles and squeals. The awe over the nativity and the blessed old story. Makes me thankful for sacrifices and planning and surprises my parents orchestrated over many Christmases.

Here's to wide eyed wonder. May we never lose that little sparkle in our eyes and spring in our steps. No matter what this life hands us...