My Not So Secret Admirer

I have an admirer. I was not too surprised when I noticed him following me. Often. Sometimes into very uncomfortable situations. Like the shower. Everytime we are in the same room together he cannot resist grabbing my face in his hands and kissing me forehead to chin.Pretty much all of his down time is spent following,or looking for me.

But to be completely honest, sometimes I find myself walking just a little faster and attempting to duck into the bathroom for just a moment's peace.Is that wrong? Any attempt along those lines is met by heartbreaking sobs and a rush to grab at me with chubby hands. How could I not want to hold and cuddle and kiss this adorable little 2 and a half footer all day long? But once I do hold him he is squirming to get down but then does not want to be put down. So if he doesn't want up or down, how do I meet that demand? Suspend in midair? How does that work?

I try to tell myself that someday I will long for him to want me this much. But will I? And the bigger question is, How long until he stops wanting me this much? From what I hear through the mommy grapevine it could be some time. And I do not hasten that day. Just somedays I need a little breather. And let's face it, even secret admirers need a day off. Don't they Adam?

The Force is With Us!

I must admit I have never been that taken with the whole Star Wars thing. I guess I never took much time to understand it. Enter my try anything once husband who constantly encourages me to give things a chance. Surprise Surprise, I do not hate Star Wars. And after a day like today I think I love Star Wars, yep kind of in love with all things Star Wars right now.

The story goes something like this. Over the past year, yep that's year, we have been trying any which way we can think of to potty train Natalie. She was a one hit wonder on the day of her 2nd birthday, she was going like a champ. Then it began to taper off and after our big move to NC it was almost non existent for long periods of time. No coaxing, encouragement, M&M's, gummy bears, nothing would give her that extra little push to go.

Then today came. One of those days that seems like it's out of control before you even get out of bed. Somehow you cannot seem to get your bearings, cannot grab ahold of the steering wheel and turn the thing around, it's going and you're going with it. Without much enthusiasm, and a halfhearted smile of encouragement I turned to Natalie. "Babe, if you go poo on the potty you can have an amazing treat!" As usual I said that before I figured out if previously mentioned amazing treat was even available. She looked interested. I scrambled through items in the pantry. Found a Star Wars Pez dispenser. She took one look at it and her eyes began to shine. Clenching her fists in determination she looked up at me , "Ok mom, I will do it!", with that she ran to the potty and proceeded to make a name for herself.

Something about that Star Wars Boba Fett Pez dispenser made her take that chance. And boy was I a proud mother! Great job Natalie! And many more!!!

Unplanning Our Days

Why do we let life get so complicated? Why does each day resonate with a hum of busyness, seldom marked by peaceful, unplanned hours? Isn't it odd that we feel something must be wrong if the morning lies before us blank and fresh, unwritten upon by cares and schedules and plans? There is power and fulfillment in setting goals, large and small and accomplishing them. In fact I always start my days with one or two simple tasks that I can finish and check off immediately. That sense of accomplishment makes the hours of play and fun that much more worthwhile.

We just got back from a trip to Kentucky. Seems as though every other month we are taking off for one training or conference or another. We decided early on that we would take advantage of any and every time to be together as a family. That means being ready to leave at a moment's notice, spending weeks in a hotel without a car and only a few of our belongings, making a home wherever we go.

More than anything else this Army life has taught me how to enjoy the unplanned. Everything is completely up in the air, we are definitely flying by the seat of our pants and after several trips of stress and confusion I have realized if I sit back, go with the flow and tune in to what's going on in the moment I enjoy life so much more.

Natalie and Adam are terrific unplanners. I will have a day all laid out for them and in one fell swoop whether it be every toy box in the house dumped on the floor or fishing in the toilet, the plans are changed. A general plan gives our days peace and meaning. But unplanning has its merits as well. Children are incredibly resilient and they help us to see the fun in small spaces, uncomfortable beds, last minute meal options and even long hours in the van. What memories we have made on these trips, how much we have learned about each others' patience (or lack thereof), food preferences (Is there any other option than McDonald's?), favorite films (Peter Pan is one of the family now), and chosen pasttimes,(collecting rocks from every gas station from NC to KY).

I watch my children as they grow closer together. Our geography changes, the surroundings are often new but the constant they have is each other. So here's to the unplanned; often uncomfortable, sometimes unbearable, but always unforgettable...

Happy Birthday Soldier

" I cast my lot in with a soldier and where he is is home to me."

There's just something about a man in uniform. Not just any man. The soldier who lives at my house. The man who stays up late folding mountains of laundry and putting the towels in the linen closet rolled instead of folded,just the way I like them. The man who puts deadlines and pressing tasks on hold to take our little girl on a "date". The man who stays up late soothing our distraught son to sleep or reads him stories complete with songs and voices. The man who is all too willing to sacrifice his down time for his family.

What a man I have married. How little we know of our husbands when we first slip on that wedding band and head off down the road to bliss. By God's grace as the years have unfolded I have seen more true and beautiful things in him than I ever realized that day I first met him in graduate school.

What storms we have weathered together. He is patient and compassionate but with enough adventure and thrill seeking to remain ever interesting and keep me guessing. How many injured and bruised legs and hips and arms he has pushed through to play with the kids or to complete his tasks at work.

How blessed I am to have found someone that gets me. How rare that the one person who truly gets you, I mean your special brand of jokes, your gut wrenching emotional moments, the same songs, ideas about God, love of family...is the one you are meant to spend the rest of your days with.

I have watched this man at the lowest of low points, both his and mine and he has always stayed the course. We have sat together in a daze wondering how we would make it through the next days, let alone the next hour. We have had nothing, we have had something, we have always had everything because we have stuck it out together.

Tim, I am more than grateful that God put us together for this journey. I couldn't love anyone more. Happy Birthday My Love!!!

What if the Hokey Pokey is what it's all about?

Life to a child is so simple. Eat what you like. Play all the time. Sleep when you're tired. Ask for a hug when you need one. Oh to be that carefree again. Why can't we? Why must we always construct such complicated worlds around ourselves? Nearing thirty has caused me to be much more contemplative. For my next thirty years I want to simplify. Because right now nothing sounds more true than that the Hokey Pokey is really what it's all about....

Today was a red letter day. No plans except hanging out at the playground. No schedule except making sure we ate. Nothing that absolutely HAD to happen except a good long afternoon snooze. We played airplane and dress up and read MANY MANY stories and talked to the ants. Our day ended up with some Mickey Mouse, making our favorite Ranger cookies, a concert of pots and pans banging on the washer and dryer, and some spinning. I honestly had a hard time just being. I started into my frenzied dash around the house to pick up. Erma Bombeck (wise woman that she is) summed it up in a way that brings peace to my harried mind "Cleaning the house while the children are growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." Thank you Erma.

It dawned on me that God has blessed me with the perfect solution for simplifying my life. They're the ones building forts in my kitchen cabinets and scribbling on my linoleum. The ones who chase each other gleefully down the hall, giggling like mad, the ones who are fascinated to hear me sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in my best falsetto, the ones who can't think of anything better than taking a stuffed dinosaur for a stroller ride or pushing a rubber duck in a bright yellow schoolbus around and around the porch.

Sounds like a piece of cake. But it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. The dishes in the sink call to me. The pile of laundry clutches at me as I pass. The bathtub whines for a good scrub. My vacuum looks bored and I can almost see my mop shaking it's curly head furiously at me for neglecting it. But this is what I know as the "Tyranny of the Urgent", these things that feel like Must Do's are really Can Waits. And the two little wonders scampering around my house cannot wait.

So I give my best hours, my best self to my little ones. And the grumbling, weary, disheveled me is the best my extra chores will see. Let's hope it stays that way.

How Can I Let Go

Remembering Jace Campbell (2007-2008)



How can I let go of your little hand
And watch you slip away

How do I contain the memories
that unheeded fill my days

How can I go on and face each day
without your little smile

How can I forget that I held you my dear
even for such a short while

How can I erase the moments,the milestones
we watched you achieve

How can it be that just yesterday
you were here, so hard to believe

To say goodbye to you dear boy
Is almost more than we can take

Till we remember that Jesus is there
and with Him that first step you'll take

So we'll say goodbye for now little man
And let you fly away

Knowing that the time is brief
Till we're with you again someday

Stay close to Him, hold His hand
And listen to His stories, His songs

For we know He has been singing to you
all your whole life long.

Let Him sing to you of the wonder you are
of your purpose and then listen close

And He'll tell you the beautiful story
of the family he placed you in
Of Mommy and Daddy and Courtlynn

Stay close little one to our Jesus
Hold tightly to His strong hand

Hold on till we get there to hug you close
And we will walk with you soon.

Jace Campbell August 2007-July2008

With hearts full of sadness we mourn the loss of our cousin, Jace Campbell. He journeyed home on Saturday morning in the arms of his mother, Lydia. We don't understand God's ways, but we know His heart.

HOLDING ON
(To Lydia and Rocky and Courtlynn and for Baby Jace)

We don't know why you left this path
To walk the Higher Road

We don't know why the winds have changed
And carried you all the way Home

We don't know how to keep on going
Our strength and hope seems gone,

We long to hold you one more time,
To sing you one more song

Our arms are empty, hearts they ache
This loss so much to bear

But comfort comes because God we know
Our boy is with you there

He runs, he laughs, he plays and jumps,
His legs are strong and new

And when he stops and needs some rest
He snuggles close to You

He listens to your heartbeat, that beats for everyone
You tell of your great strong love, the love that carried him Home

Our little house seems empty now, hope isn't easy to find
Hard to let go of our little man and find the strength inside

We know that somehow we'll be okay
If we just hang on to You

Comfort comes when we realize that
Jace is holding on too.

Flags and Front Porches

Here's to the American flag. Blowing in the breeze over buildings, pinned to shirts and jackets, hung in windows and doorways, appearing all over, so often unnoticed. The flag has become so commonplace to us. We who take our freedoms both big and small for granted.

With determination and courage the flag was carried by Washington and his troops, much soiled and worn, but still recognizable, carrying with it the hopes and dreams of a new nation.

With awe and gratitude those seeking a new life in our country beheld it waving grandly over Ellis Island, a welcome symbol of hopes yet unrealized.

With relief and a throat lump of pride our men and women in uniform recognize it on foreign soil, reminding them of all they are sacrificing for.

With honor and a solemn hush it is draped over wooden boxes containing heroes and warriors who have faded from this life.

With gentleness and reverence it is folded triangularly and placed in the arms of the grieving widow.

With duty and purpose it waves above our buildings of government and commerce, our schools and places of worship, a banner of principles and morals, of traditions long held.

Today as I studied the flag waving from our front porch I couldn't help but ponder the significance of both flags and front porches.

How many front porches have welcomed a loved one home from a long journey? How many have witnessed the death of a dream or the birth of new vision?

How many have little feet padded back and forth on, old wrinkled hands been wrung on, tired eyes closed for the last time on?

How many porches have seen bright young faces shining amidst cap and gown, behind wedding veils, standing tall and proud in uniform?

How many porches have young wives wept upon, lovesick young boys ached upon, new puppies toddled upon?

How many porches have served as places of decision, where two decided to keep going as one, where a once bare finger took up a shiny new band, where the wonder of a tiny visitor was welcomed into hearts and minds?

How many porches have been places of waiting, for the mail to bring that long awaited letter of acceptance, for a familiar car to pull into the driveway, for the sound of chattering voices on their way home from school, for the return of a special someone who would never cross its lengths again.

Laughter after football games, reminiscing over holidays, a glimpse of the first snow of the season, harvest time and autumn leaves falling to the ground. Joy. Triumph. Longing. How much more there is to a front porch than beams and a floor. The stuff of life happens there.