Our Girl

Where has time gone? On golden wings it has flown past before we could catch our breath. Our little Natalie; the baby of our early years is 3 years old. So tall and slim. She has pretty much lost all of the chubbiness, her babyness.

I have been spectator to these changes for many months, how she can barely stretch her legs in her toddler bed, how her pants have begun ankle grazing. I have noticed often with wonder that the look of her is somehow new, different. New but familiar. For in the midst of this blossoming little girl I still see glimpses of that same pink cheeked baby she once was.

In the heat of a struggle to get her own way I watch her eyes soften, her lips change from pout to that same impish grin and I flash to when she was only a bundle in my arms. Those first nights when Tim would swaddle her tenderly and we would sing one more lullaby before settling in her basket to sleep. Calm and quiet, she gazed up at us, serene, composed.

I catch glimpses of that same serenity here and there, coupled now with a tenacity, the urge to push past the limits of her small frame and be something more. At times she will stand up on tippy toes, "See mommy I'm bigger now, I growed up." Others she will whimper for me to hold her like I once did. No longer does she fit so neatly in my arms, it's much harder for her to curl up in my lap. Cuddles are not quite as frequent, for she is busy now. Busy in play and growing up.

At night sometimes I lie in bed, unable to sleep, wondering if I'm doing right by her. I remember the clashes, the new sense of identity she wrestles to understand,my exhaustion and wishing for the agreeableness she once had, then the unexpected hugs, little soft kisses all over my face. "See mommy, I'm walking just like you." "Listen mommy, I will tell you some secrets." "I Love You..You are my special friend!". "We are both the same, mommy; I'm just like you!"

The familiar lump fills my throat and I sink further back on my pillows. In my mind I see her through the years, a crawling infant, then walking, running up and down the hall and now skipping. I race ahead to when she is no longer a girl. What will she be like? Mostly sugar and smiles it's been with her. Lately more and more of a wrestle for power, but still that softness, creeping in and bringing welcome relief, like sunset after a long, hot day. "Okay mommy, I will be a good listener."

Do I wish her back to babyhood? Maybe for a few brief moments each day. It was beautiful, daresay magical those first moments as a mommy to this wonderful girl. But it has only gotten better. Richer. We have grown together she and I. Not yet ready to watch her fly away. Not for awhile longer yet. Right now I will revel in her questions, "Mommy, why is the sky blue?", "Mommy why does Jesus love me?", her cheerful team spirit, "Follow me Moe (her nickname for Adam)I will show you the way", her endless singing of the alphabet song at the top of her lungs in public places, her crazy mop of curls that refuses to be tamed, somehow fitting for a girl like our Natalie.

For a few more years we will make the nightly journey to check on her one last time before turning in, marveling at what a big girl she is now, reminiscing over happenings of the day. We will await her chipper early morning "Hello, mommy!", clambering over me to cuddle in between us, dragging stuffed dinosaur, blanket, pillows and toys to join us. We will treasure a few more rounds of Ring around the Rosy, snatch up a few more bathtime sing a longs and visions of her in footed jammies reading to her stuffed animals. A full, beautiful world awaits you, but for now we are content to have you filling our little home with your magic. Happy 3rd year our little Natalie!