Not Just Groceries

Each weekend I gear up for an early grocery shopping trip on Monday morning. The easiest part is preparing the list of meals and items and attempting to stay on budget. The hard part has proven to be corralling two rambunctious little ones for the 45 minutes it takes me to navigate the aisles. Always they beg to ride in the big racecar cart which is a mammoth to maneuver and which always brings them to a point of twisting and writhing and wrestling with one another before the trip is over.

Each aisle something different is happening in the car I am laboring to push. After almost knocking over a whole shelf of glass bottled jellies and jams and almost taking out a poor man innocently buying rolls, we make it to the cereal aisle. Here it gets a little hairy. What started out as role playing a kitten (Adam) and his caretaker (Natalie) quickly changed into professions of love for one another and hugs and kisses till one pulls away from the python embrace. And now in this aisle it is Beauty and the Beast. Not a sweet, peaceful portrayal of the love story at all. Natalie almost yelling at Adam that he has to be the Beast because she is Belle and after refusing for the next aisle or so he gives in and begins growling as the Beast at the top of his lungs, causing her to shrink back and whimper.

That subsides and we are almost to checkout but it is not quite over yet. When heading for milk Adam loudly exclaims, "I smell something, what's that smell?" I murmur, "It's probably just the shampoos." "Nope, it's a lady, I smell that lady!" The lady turns to us with a dour expression. I hurry to grab the gallons and speed through checkout. Only it's not speedy. For some reason it takes a lifetime to ring up the items and put them in the cart, I am grateful the checker is so interested in talking to my children but I am starving, starting to shake, having a hard time holding Adam on what little bit of hip I have left now that this belly has appeared and trying to calm Natalie down who is wearily banging her head against my hip, "Please can we go? Please can we go?" It gets hotter. It gets longer. I feel as though I am about to faint. Seriously.

Natalie asks what's wrong with the checker's lips. "Why do they look that way?" Exhausted and near collapse as I am at that point I don't shush her or tell her it's rude to ask, I just say wearily, "Because that's how they look." Thankfully the woman is too preoccupied to notice.

Finally, finally we are leaving. I explain to Natalie my strange behavior those last few moments. The swaying, the dizziness, the apparent fatigue. No sympathy there. "You have to be brave Mom, when you feel like that just be brave." Okay, I'll try to remember that next time we head out for groceries.....

Blissful

What a nice break we had in Wisconsin, Natalie played with frogs and bugs and fish to her heart's content and Adam's days were filled with trains, trains and more trains. And how grateful I am for the chance to get a breather and some help with the little ones and not have to be ordering the days as much as I do here. It was hard for them to leave Grandma and Grandpa's house, I think 3 weeks pretty much made them think we were permanent residents there...

Lately everything and everyone reminds me of Tim. A song, a breeze, the sounds of my babies giggling down the hallway. But strangely enough it is not an empty ache, a lonely longing for him. What an amazing gift to be able to Skype with him everyday. We are building memories even through the computer screen. He talks with us during dinner, helps with prayers, sings songs and entertains Natalie and Adam, hears their stories, watches their dances... He and I often have extended chats about everything, the serious and the mundane.. And while I miss the feel of his arms around me and I know the little ones would love the chance to wrestle with him again or ride on his shoulders, we are blessed to be able to talk and share with him each and everyday.

We have plenty to occupy our time here. Storytimes and Natalie's art classes, get togethers at the children's museum, plenty of playgrounds to explore, several hours of school each day, raising tadpoles and playing in the sandbox. Yes, I have taken the major step to build a sandbox. I didn't find the wooden, canopied version that I pictured so I decided to build it myself. Not such an easy undertaking. Enter Skype. Tim has already spent several hours with me examining bolts, giving advice on drill use, laughing with me at my "drill fears', encouraging me to keep trying. So we're halfway there. The base is built, the babes and I already spent an exhausting, hot, 2 hours at Home Depot trying to locate play sand and lugging it around on a cart. Very close to finishing if more clear weather were on the horizon.

We are at 7 months now, hooray! I know I need to get in gear and buy a carseat and onesies and stock up on some diapers but honestly I think I feel so busy with our little life right now, with two that I don't quite feel like I need to rush into "Mommy of 3" just yet. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to welcome that soft fuzzy headed, wobbly kneed, blurry eyed little bundle into our home. I am just enjoying where we're at now. We will definitely have a full, bustling house before we know it. I think it gets a little crazy monkey now, I cannot imagine adding more. But how much fun it is to pile everyone together on the bed or to share Saturday morning cartoon time or walks in the park. I'm confident our new little man will fit perfectly into our lives...

We love you and miss you Tim! Cannot wait to see you soon! Less than 100 days to go!

Summer Breeze

Well we are enjoying the summer breezes out here in Wisconsin. When we left NC it was 102 and we definitely had some bouts with crabbiness and generally disagreeable moments (pregnant mom included).

Such a nice break to have some breezes and shade and new places to play and explore. We get to Skype with Daddy at least once a day and otherwise are keeping quite busy. Hard to imagine adding another little one to our bunch, feels so busy, but we look forward to his coming.

Natalie and Adam are in a major pretending phase. It's all animals. Tigers, crocodiles, pigs, monkeys, you name it, they've been it. Lots of fun. Never a dull moment around here.

Just a quick update for now. Will have some new pics and stories when we head home in 2 weeks.

Two Kinds of Blue

What a day, what a day. After so much preparation and prayer and a mixture of curiosity and dread we have sent Tim off to the front. After hearing me sing it several times Adam has been heard from various corners of the house singing the old war tune, "Over there" (over there, over there, over there...).

It was quite difficult to watch him pack all his gear, stencil his name on the front and unload it from our car. Harder still to hear him pray over each one of us, voice cracking and then to drive off as he marched, pack on his back, alongside our van as far as he could follow us, shouting, "I love you"...

We were all quite broken up over it, definitely blue. Many times over this past year leading up to this point I have asked myself and God if this is best, if this is right for our family. How can this be good? I have questioned. Sure, it's difficult, and yeah maybe sometimes it feels unfair. But who is going to do this job? Who is going to take the time to lead these men deeper in their faith and come alongside them in their struggles. Yes, it's a major sacrifice, but don't we all make sacrifices one way or another in this life? I am proud and amazed that Tim is making his life count and have no doubt his example will influence our children positively.

And speaking of children... Today also included another shade of blue. Little boy blue that is. We are thrilled to announce another little Behnke boy on the way. Cannot wait to hold him and share our world with this new little one. Hooray!

Thick and Thin

"We've come a long long way together
Through the bad times and the good
I want to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should."

The words to that song have been playing in my head all day. I couldn't write anything more fitting to sum up our 5 years together. How much we have weathered. How many odds we have beat. How many things we didn't know about each other when we first slipped those bands on our fingers and headed off into the sunset.

The man I married has made me a better person. I can see evidence each day of how working and living alongside him has given me more mercy for others, more grace for myself and our children and more hope for our future. He is one of the good ones. Worth his salt. As my Grandma would have said, "He's got a heart of gold."

And boy have we been through it. Thick and thin. Times when our proverbial wallet was so slim we could barely afford a few jars of baby food. Moments when together we had to face up to our mistakes and take responsibility for our very immaturity. And we have sat and cried together, not knowing what was around that next corner. We've struggled trying to understand where the other was coming from, prayed and studied for the best way to raise our little ones...

And other times, oh it has been rich. I have never laughed harder, dreamed bigger, loved stronger than in the days I have spent with him. I have sat on our front porch watching him swing our little ones in the air or hunt for bugs and rocks and thought, "It cannot possibly get any better than this.." He has given me space to grow, to find myself, to fail and grow and change. Quietly he has waited for me to work through a struggle and rejoiced with me when I've come out better in the end...

5 years together and now we are facing what could be our most challenging. I wish we could have more time with him, wish a year didn't have to be so long. But deep down I have no doubts that we will weather the storms of this year and enjoy it's sunshine together as well. We are made of strong stuff, he and I and with a good helping of grace for each other and the realization of what we are meant to be we will triumph.

Happy Anniversary Tim! I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

So Many Parties... So Little Time

With Tim heading out so soon we decided we would celebrate all our special occasions before he left. That means a party (or two) every weekend. I certainly don't mind all the extra cake in the house and Natalie and Adam will use any excuse to celebrate anyways. Last Saturday was Natalie's first of two 4th birthdays. We had a painting and craft party, jumped in the pool for awhile and most importantly had loads of fun and made more silly happy memories to carry with us...

One in a Million

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

— Dr. Seuss

On May 1 we celebrated our little Adam's 2nd birthday. What a great little guy he is. We had a backyard pool party and he was overjoyed to head out for a spin in his little red car. As we do every year, Tim and I spent naptime constructing our grand designs for the birthday cake. It turned out great thanks to Tim's creativity and construction and a little help from me.

So much sunshine Adam adds to our world. Impulsive hugs around the knees anytime of day, crazy self invented spins and break dance moves to any song he hears, the heartfelt singing of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star..At times he will grab a fork or spoon off the table and march solemnly around the house singing, "Frosty the Snowman". Ever since Easter he has been fascinated with crosses, seeing them everywhere. Several times a day he will come up to me and say, "Jesus died on the cross Mom. To help people. Jesus died on the cross. And..He's alive..Yay!!" And we will clap and celebrate all over again. Natalie painted a little blue cross for her birthday gift to him and he loved it more than any other present and couldn't wait to hang it on his wall.

He cannot stop hugging and kissing his sister. "Be careful Nanee (Natalie), are you okay?" He is more polite than many grown men I know. "Excuse me mom ", he will say as he passes, or "I'm sorry Dad" or "I forgive you Nanee" without any prompting. This little guy is truly a blessing and we can take no credit for how great he is. We thank God for him everyday. Happy Birthday Adam Joshua, and many more!!